I smile as the couple in front of me jokingly ponders whether their child got their annoying trait from the husband or the wife’s family. I have, of course, done the same thing myself with my own family, and some traits we talk about are distinct or simply fun, such as “the Smith chin” or “the Patel brains.” However, others are less than desirable and can cause stress for families, such as genes for diseases and alcoholism.
As much as we may want to ignore them, we must acknowledge these tendencies and traits in our families so we have a better idea what our physical and emotional gifts and limitations are. Thankfully, human and animal studies alike have shown us we are more than our genetics, such as the multiple studies showing babies who don’t thrive without touch or an otherwise healthy environment. At the same time, studies of those relatives (especially twins) raised separately show uncanny commonalities in mental and physical traits as well as in personality. Thus, of course, in this day and age, we all know it’s both nature and nurture.
However, I am not the first to make the argument that we are comprised of nature, nurture, and something else that is neither of those two things, something that makes us less a product and more a person. We are not just the percentages of love and support, not just the genetic makeup that makes up our tendencies and physical product. We are also made up a dynamic, engaging personhood of sorts, biblically called the nephesh, which means a soul, a life, self, and appetite or emotion. This person God created us to be has ability to make choices about how to behave in the world despite surroundings.
Everyone who wants to change must take heart that they can move past many of their more natural barriers, and allow their lives to be changed by God once they make the choice to walk with Him. He does not promise you will have instant healing or less of an inclination to addiction, but He does promise that if you follow Him, you will have internal peace and can be content in every circumstance.
We all have barriers to overcome from the ways we were parented, or our own genetic inclinations. This is why allowing yourself to be mentored, coached, counseled, parented, groomed at work for a promotion, held accountable, or otherwise helped is a good plan for anyone who wants to move up in the world, or to have more enjoyment.
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ust because we were victimized doesn’t mean we are off the hook from being responsible citizens. Just because we were mistreated or maladapted, doesn’t mean we should continue in our hurtful woundedness, just as simply as because we were spoiled and didn’t have to work for a living, doesn’t mean after before, during, or after our money runs out we should give up or not use our talents.
So, let’s stop asking where the ugly traits came from on either side, let’s begin to accept our own flaws, regardless of where they were derived, and let’s work on changing those things we don’t like about ourselves, to the best of our ability.
If we do this well, joy bubbles over from the deep well inside of us that pleases God and we allow our own joy to seep into others, thereby carrying forward the message of self-improvement and more importantly, recognizing when we are not able to do something in our own strength, how God brings wisom, patience, healthy community and Light to help us in the fight to change!