I don’t know about you but I love learning from others who are willing to share what they know. The new layers of knowing allow me to add what I’ve learned to my work with couples and into richer connections in my life as a wife, mother, friend, and brief fellow passenger.
This receptivity desire does not just sit in the present as I sit with those different from me (even if in seemingly small ways) on my podcast interviews or in my couple or individual sessions.
This desire to receive knowledge also sits in the past, as I cycle through one more round of history, this week learning about wars and the complex relationship between Mary, Queen of Scots, and her cousin Elizabeth, and about how Henry Hudson’s lust for discovery of the Northwest Passage lost him his life. History is so vital for seeing how we each err at times.
We want to know.
We want to know what the verdict is, what the treatment plan is, and what the Answers are.
As a community, we need each other to find the answers, too.
On our own, we simply don’t have all the answers, and we need a variety of friends and family, coworkers, and peers otherwise to tell us about what they know.
Oh and books, ALL the books can help.
But there is another question. Why?
Why do we want to know? (We must always be allowed to ask “why” because humans are more than mere animals.)
Because we don’t want to live life gripped with anxiety, despair, or sadness that permeates without these nuggets and pieces of hope we find together and only together.
As a species, we want to know how others are surviving and thriving, and we want the research to back it up.
Sometimes we want big-picture research but often just qualitatively hearing from a friend will do even more.
Today my friend, I encourage you to share what you know with your people.
And when your people share what they know with you, I encourage you to be open to their experience and listen.
Listen to what isn’t said as well as what isn’t said, for according to Gottman’s research, what is said only accounts for seven percent of communication.
And as you learn, don’t obsess or cram info down one another’s throats, tempting as it is for us humans when we have something interesting to share.
Pace. People need breaks, and you do too. Keep pausing and learning to take a deep breath when you share and when you listen.
As others share, remember you don’t have to conform one hundred percent to someone else’s learning like a shapeshifter. (Yes, too much Among Us over the holiday did leave that lingering and slightly disturbing image in my mind’s eye.)
But in a world that gets very closed off, I encourage you to fight to stay open, my friend.
Let others give you a morsel of what they know, and you give them a morsel of what you know, even if only one delicious piece of it sticks, and you let the rest fall off.
Pretty soon, you’ve learned something about living this beautiful life.
And here’s one more thing…
While I encourage you not to conform to every idea you hear (God help us all if we don’t consider our moral compass of loving others as self when we add in new ideas), taking these steps to go with trying these new pieces of wisdom on for size will help you as you learn and grow, bit by bit.
- Pause after connecting with someone, even if it wasn’t your favorite experience. When someone shared this or that piece of the journey with you, what did you learn?
- Be kind as you listen. Even if it’s different, remember your different experiences are what makes you unique with your own biases and epigenetics and personality type and so forth.
- Ask yourself if there’s anything you can take from it to help your own life. Sometimes the stirrings of someone else’s literal recipe or just a recipe for life are just what you need for today. Whether it’s food, treatment for your lawn, or someone sharing a new workout rhythm that doesn’t sound like it would kill you, lol, take and learn. And share yours, too!
- Resist envy and when it stirs up, allow yourself to remember it’s human to want what we don’t have because it can help us to forge ahead with goals. But don’t sit in it. Appreciate what it teaches you and with an intentional gratitude shift (you may even need to do this aloud) come back to appreciating the fact that your gifts and contributions have worth and value too, even if they’re not as worldly significant. Everyone has a part to play, and everyone can learn from others, too. Even maladaptive behaviors can teach us what NOT to do. To this end, sometimes we can even reflect on the fact as Marcus Aurelius the Stoic and James of the Bible teach us, that our trials are a gift others can learn from, and a trust from God, even if we don’t seem to have as many outward blessings to steward. People learn from others’ stories of pain, not just their glories. Don’t let fear cause you to think your story too doesn’t have worth, and along with sharing the joy you bring, consider being vulnerable about your hardships and struggles, worries, doubts, and utter humanness as you find community.
- Thank those who teach you something. Many times your friends don’t know they have influenced you. Yes, they never realized they signed up to be mini-influencers and they would love to know that you have allowed them to teach you and to reach you.
And here, as we close for the week, just as I have done here a little about what I know, consider telling me what you know.
What do you know about the human experience? About your life? About today, about the world? Yes, even if it contradicts someone else’s knowledge, or it feels silly, I will listen and learn and be thankful to know something you’ve learned, it’s a glorious thing to create together! Always feel free to share.